I’m in Complete and Total Shock

I went to the doctor yesterday for a check-up. I haven’t mentioned much about this before, but as I’ll be 40 in December I have decided to have a hysterectomy this fall. My doctor likes to do monthly blood tests in preparation for the surgery.

I’ve been twice and it’s give blood, wait a few minutes and go. This time the lab tech told me the doctor would like to see me. I walked into his office and before I could even sit down he asked me if I had come in for a pregnancy test.

I laughed/shouted “no!” He looked me in the eye and gave me news I never thought I would receive. I am pregnant.

He said he wanted to run a few more tests and had me wait for the results. That took about an hour. I don’t remember much about that hour except for calling Chris, who was out of town at the National Track Meet.

The doc came back in and said everything looked great. I mutely nodded “OK” and then was escorted to my car because I could not remember where I parked or what my car looked like.

The utter shock is because I was told this was impossible. That I would not be able to have another baby after Micah. We accepted this news and moved on to enjoy our son and marriage.

I can’t quite comprehend all of this. During a time of professional reflection and healing (remember I lost my job), God has chosen to give me one of the biggest blessings possible. Words escape me. I praise Him because this child is wonderfully made. Thank you Lord.

Mother’s Day

I woke up this morning to my favorite coffee and scone from Daybreak Coffee and a movie of Micah’s first two years. All three of us watched it while cuddled in bed. I cried a lot—it’s amazing watching your child grow through video. The best gift ever!

When I had Micah, I vowed to celebrate each Mother’s Day with gusto. I celebrate it two ways: as a mother and as a grateful daughter.

But I have to be honest. A part of me grieves the babies I lost. I will never forget the pain I felt the Mother’s Day after my miscarriage. I went to church and cried through the entire service. We went out to eat and every one told me Happy Mother’s Day. There was a family outing, but I did not go.

I am praying for all of you who feel this pain and wish the day would just end. Keep in mind there is someone who will carry you through this pain. His name is Jesus.